Moving with a child to another city

At Moving, we understand how daunting it can be to relocate. Perhaps you’re about to move to another city or are considering a move abroad with children. In this guide, you’ll read how to prepare for your move with children as smoothly as possible. We’ll discuss what happens if an ex-partner doesn’t cooperate and whether permission is required. You’ll also discover how to take all the circumstances into account and why the best interests of the children come first. We’ll share our experience in simple terms so that you know exactly what to expect. Moving with children means better planning.

Moving after divorce: the best interests of the child

Many parents move after a divorce because they want to be closer to family. Others find a new job and move because of that. If you are the parent with whom the children live, you may wonder how to manage this life-changing event. You are faced with choices that go beyond packing boxes. Are you moving with a minor and the other parent does not really want to? Please note that you may need permission from the court. 

Moving with children can be complicated

In a divorce, the parent who is left behind plays a major role. Perhaps that parent has joint custody, which means that you make decisions together that affect a minor child. The judge can then look at the interests of the child if you decide to move back to your old place of residence or to a new one. Let your child get used to the environment or get used to the home.

Anecdote: Recently we helped a mother who wanted to move to her hometown. Her ex-partner stayed in the old city. They agreed that the children would travel to their father by train every weekend. Because they made clear agreements, contact with each other remained undiminished and none of the children felt excluded.

Is permission from the court required for the move?

In many cases, permission is required if you take children to another place of residence. Do you have joint parental authority? Then the parent who wishes to move must consult with the parent without authority or with the other parent with authority. Sometimes the situation is different if you are the only one charged with authority. However, it is better to prevent a parent who stays behind from feeling sidelined.

• Joint authority: You usually need permission from the other parent
• Parental authority for one parent: However, it is wise to respect the rights of the other parent
• Need to ask permission. If the child's move has major consequences for interaction, this is a good thing to do

If you cannot reach an agreement, you can request substitute consent from the judge. The judge will examine whether the intended move is in the best interests of the child and whether there are measures available to mitigate the consequences of the move. Sometimes a judge will give more weight to other interests. This can lead to other interests outweighing your wish to move. Alternatives and measures offered to the parent are often considered. The minor and the other parent will of course also have their own opinions. 

Moving to another city with older children: how to prepare and support them

Older children are very attached to their familiar surroundings. They see their friends every day and they visit sports clubs in the neighbourhood. Moving to another city means that they have to let go of everything, which sometimes leads to resistance. You can ease their insecurities by actively involving them in the plans. Another parent and the minor can be very helpful in this.

• Explain clearly why you are moving. Talk about work, a new partner or a better living environment
• Really listen to their opinions. Their opinion and the extent to which they have a say often makes a big difference
• Name benefits. Sometimes they get a new room or a new place where they have more space
• Talk about the consequences of the move. Is your child going to a new school? How often does he see old friends?

Let them get used to the new environment

Know that older children are sometimes used to moving if you have moved regularly. But not every child adapts easily. It can be useful to make a list with them of fun things in the new environment. That way you can see what they are looking forward to and what they are dreading.

Preparation and planning for moving

Good preparation will save you from worries later. Start by making a clear plan:

Creating a budget for a move with children

• Estimate the cost of a moving company or van
• See if you need temporary storage
• Set aside money for new school supplies or a sports club

Create a schedule 

• Plan when to cancel your lease
• Check in time whether there are waiting lists for schools
• Record each step in a clear checklist

Get help

• Ask friends to help with the carrying
• Consider arranging temporary childcare for your children on moving day

Example: Peter and Sanne moved two months ago. They made a tight schedule on a whiteboard. Every day they crossed off chores. Their children helped by labeling things so everyone knew where the boxes had to go.

Moving with older children: what circumstances

Moving your children isn’t just a matter of packing. You’ll also need to prepare them mentally. Older children often want to know why they’re leaving the city where they grew up.

• Preliminary interview: Choose a quiet evening to tell what is going to happen
• The role of school: Discuss how a change of school affects their daily lives
• Activities nearby: Make a list of hobbies, clubs and events in the new place of residence

You can also help them with practical tasks. For example, let them help you find nice furniture for their new room. This way they feel that their voice matters and they get excited about the transition to a new place. 

How do you involve your child in the move?

Children grow from appreciation and a sense of control, so you can involve them in everything that has to do with the move with the children.

• Give a simple job: Let your child pack their own things or put stickers on boxes
• Making decisions together: Choose the new paint color for their room together
• Plan a 'farewell round': Visit favorite spots in your old neighborhood

This way your child feels that he or she is not just being dragged along. You show the child that you are doing this together. You are the parent to move with the children, but your child experiences participation. Is it true that you wanted to move but did not do so at the request of the mother or father? Then this may be in the interest of the child. Always keep a positive outlook. 

Regulations and practical matters

1. Register with the new municipality

In the Netherlands, you must register with your new municipality within five days of the moving date. Bring your passport and any rental contract or deed of sale. Do you need permission from the other parent? Make sure you can show proof of permission if questions arise. The municipality sometimes checks whether there is joint authority.

2. Childcare and allowances

Does your child need childcare? Check in time whether the relocating parent is entitled to childcare allowance in the new municipality. Sometimes your income or living situation changes, which can have consequences for the amount of the allowance. Also consult with the parent who is staying behind about new contact arrangements. Contact with the other parent remains important for the child, especially if the distance increases.

3. Parenting plan

A parenting plan regulates how you divide the care. If there are changes due to your move for the minor, record this in an updated plan. If you cannot reach an agreement, a judge will determine whether the request to move will be granted. Sometimes the court of appeal or even the Supreme Court will advise in disputes in which the interests are complex. This can lead to other interests weighing more heavily. Usually in the interest of the moving parent to move. If one of the parents does not agree, a ruling from the Supreme Court is required first. 

Visit to the new house

A visit to the new home makes the move tangible. Take your children with you and let them look around. Let them guess which room will be theirs and discuss where the desk will be. This will make the new place come to life.

Moving to another city

Anecdote: Lotte (14) jumped for joy when she saw her bigger room. She immediately had ideas about posters on the wall. That created enthusiasm. Her mother said afterwards that she helped Lotte's transition more smoothly.

Visit to new school

Changing schools can be daunting. Some children enjoy meeting new teachers. Others feel insecure about leaving their friends behind.

• Trial lessons: Check if there is an introductory day
• Conversation with the mentor: Ask for extra support in the first weeks
• Pay attention to the atmosphere: Find out if the school suits your child's interests

Encourage your child if they are afraid of unfamiliar faces. Some children actually thrive in a new class.

How can you support your older child during a move?

Older children are more observant. They understand better what is at stake. They think about the consequences of the move for their social life and perhaps their studies.

• Give them responsibility: Let them think about the moving date or the layout of their room
• Organize a farewell: A picnic with their best friends or a small party will reassure them
• Encourage online contact: Let your child know that they can still stay in touch with old friends through apps and video calls

You can also opt for extra guidance if you notice that your child is mentally stuck. Some schools have counselors or confidants.

Emotional support for your child

Moving with children is more than just packing boxes. It can be an emotional rollercoaster. This is especially true if there is an ex-partner involved who does not give you parental permission or has many objections.

• Know the signs: Does your child sleep poorly or seem depressed?
• Talk about it: Ask what they feel. Show that you take their concerns seriously
• Create stability: Maintain daily routines. Eat at fixed times, watch your favorite series together

Tip: If necessary, hire a neutral person, such as a mediator or child coach. This way, you involve a professional who puts the interests of the children first.

Your ex-partner disagrees with the move: do you need permission?

Arguments about a move with children happen more often than you think. If your ex-partner does not give permission, you can start legal proceedings. The judge will then look at all the circumstances of the case. A parent with authority can usually determine this.

• Mediation: Try a mediator first
• Judge: If your ex-partner continues to be obstructive, you can still request permission from the judge
• Supreme Court and Court of Appeal Arnhem-Leeuwarden: Sometimes it leads to an appeal or even cassation if the case is very complicated

A judge often examines which circumstances play a role and whether there are alternatives offered to the relocating parent to ensure contact between the child and the parent who remains behind.

Consent to divorce and move with child

Do you have joint custody with your ex-partner but do you want to be able to move children? Then you almost always need permission for the move. You can ask the judge for substitute permission if the other refuses.

• When children move without permission, the parent left behind can go to court
• The judge will look at whether you can demonstrate the interest for the relocating parent. He will also assess whether the child is rooted in his environment
• When moving abroad, the judge sometimes weighs interests even more strictly

Is a parenting plan mandatory?

Yes, if you were married and have a minor child. That plan regulates agreements in the parenting plan about the division of care and finances. A move with the children often requires an adjustment of that plan. If you have co-parenting, the distance can complicate the division of care tasks considerably.

The moving day itself

Moving day is often hectic, but you can avoid a lot of stress by dividing the tasks wisely.

1. Logistics in order: If necessary, reserve a parking space for the moving van
2. Entertainment for the children: Give them a tablet or let them help with smaller tasks
3. No unnecessary risks: Keep sharp objects out of reach of younger children

Make sure your child quickly has a familiar corner in the new room. This way he or she will feel at home more quickly.

Getting used to the new city

After the move, the real work begins. Your child with the other parent may well long for the old environment. You can ease the adjustment.

• Find new routines: Register your child at a sports club in the area
• Meet the neighbors: Come over together to say hello
• Plan outings: Discover shops, parks and museums. Experience what the city has to offer

This way your child gets the feeling that in addition to saying goodbye, there is also a lot of new things to experience. 

Frequently Asked Questions

Moving to another city can be difficult

Your move with children requires careful planning and clear agreements. Take into account the parent who is staying behind and use substitute consent if necessary. The key is to always put the interests of the child first. Children must feel safe and be able to maintain contact with each other without any reduction.

Moving is happy to help

At Moving, we recommend that you keep two factors in mind. First, consider the complexity of your situation: how many things do you need to arrange on a legal and financial level? Second, consider variability in your approach: alternate short and long conversations and look for alternative solutions when problems pile up. Keep your text and explanation simple and honest for your child. After all, you are helping them through this drastic event.

Do you have any questions?

Do you have any questions or would you like to share your own story? Let us know. We are happy to listen and share tips to make your parent's move a pleasant one. On behalf of the Moving team, we wish you much success and peace during this step. Remember that every situation is unique and that a move can also be an opportunity for a fresh start.