Moving after a breakup: moving on in a healthy way

A relationship breakdown usually means that both or at least one of the partners wants to move out as quickly as possible. After all, the relationship has ended and there is therefore no reason to continue living together. Fine is something else.

Moving after a divorce

In the period after your breakup or divorce you are often in an extremely emotional period. It does not matter whether the break is unwanted or agreed upon... when you break up it is never. It usually takes some getting used to for both parties.

Moving after divorce with child

Do you have children together? Then you can children move become quite difficult. There is so much to discuss, consider and organize when children are involved. It is of course best for the children when all this is arranged in harmony.

Moving with children

Firstly, it is important to first determine together with whom the children will live. To determine this, it is best to involve the children in this choice. Yes, ultimately the parents decide, but it is of course also nice for a child to have a say in this. Children often prefer to live with both parents, but unfortunately this is no longer possible. Therefore, make sure that you as parents involve the children in such important decisions.

Joint custody and co-parenting

As parents, it is important to first look at joint parental authority during this situation. Were you married? Then you both have custody of the children. Did you only live together? Then you have probably recorded this earlier and you can request an extract from the court.

Single authority

Sole parental authority means that one of the parents has sole authority over the children. It may also be the case that the judge gives custody to the grandparents or a new partner, for example, when you start living together. The judge mainly looks at the situation. Do you want to have control over becoming the guardian of your children after your death? Then you can have this included in your will.

Moving abroad

Do you have joint custody? Then the moving parent needs permission from the remaining parent to be able to move. You must discuss everything thoroughly together so that the good agreements previously made in the parenting plan do not become impossible.

Replacement permission for relocation

Does the remaining parent not want to give permission? Does he or she not want the children to live somewhere else with the other parent, but you still want to go to another one? municipality move? Then in this case you can submit a request to the court and ask for alternative permission from the judge. The judge will look at a number of criteria for alternative consent and determine whether the children will move with you. So you can going to move or not.

It is of course best for children if the parents' homes are not too far apart. Staying close to family and friends is often important to them. Unfortunately, there are sometimes circumstances that require the parent to move to another place of residence. If there is an option and as a parent you really do not have to move more than a few kilometers away, it is wise to choose this option.

Arrange a lot

In addition to the difficult emotional aspects of a breakup that need to be resolved, there are also many practical matters that need to be taken care of. Who is leaving the current home? Is one of you leaving or are you both leaving the house? And how does a divorce actually work after a move? And what if you already have a new partner? We will answer all these questions and more for you in this article.

Will your ex-partner continue to live in the old home?

If your ex-partner remains in the old home, you can choose to move during the divorce proceedings. To do this, you must first divide all the contents of the house together. This way you can also move your belongings to your new home. Make sure that everything is in black and white so that no problems can arise later.

What happens to the house?

After a break-up or divorce, the first thing that is usually discussed is what will happen to the house. What is decided is completely personal and you should of course decide this together in good consultation.

A rental property

If you have a rental property and decide to separate, the rental contract must be adjusted to the new situation. Although, this of course also depends on the situation. When you both leave the house, you can of course simply cancel the rental contract.

Change rental contract

Can either of you continue to live in the old house? Then the rental contract will indeed have to be adjusted because you are both probably on it and this must be adjusted to only the name of the person who will stay in the home.

For more information on this subject, we would like to refer you to the website Legal Desk. They can really help you with this.

The mortgage

When you live in an owner-occupied home, things are a little more difficult. It must first be determined whether the house was purchased by you together or whether it is registered in the name of one of the partners. If one of the partners has bought the house, it goes without saying that that person will also continue to live in the house.

The mortgage lender

Did you buy the house together or were you married in community of property? Then it all becomes even more complicated. In this case, you are jointly responsible for the mortgage and the person who wants to continue living in the house must be able to demonstrate that he or she can bear the future mortgage costs.

This can also be with the help of alimony. To find this out properly, it is best to discuss this with the mortgage provider. The mortgage lender is the person who determines whether someone has sufficient income to continue living in the home.

Buy out

If you have purchased the joint home together and one of you remains in the house, the partner who leaves the home must be bought out. This means that you settle the value of the home with each other.

Does the home have equity and is it therefore worth more than the mortgage? Then the person who stays in the house must pay a buyout sum to the person who leaves. This way everyone benefits from the surplus value. Is the mortgage higher than the value of the home? The departing partner must then pay the partner who continues to live in the house, because he or she also takes over the residual debt of the house.

Can't you both afford the house?

If neither partner can repay the mortgage independently, the house must be sold and both partners must look for a new home.

Distributing contents

A very difficult point during many moves is dividing household contents. Who wants what and who gets what? This can be discussed together, but when contracts are involved, the contracts must of course be looked at first.


In any case, it is always wise to first look at how you have agreed everything in the contract. At least if you have a cohabitation contract. Are you married? Then it of course depends on whether you are married under a prenuptial agreement or in community of property.

With community property, both partners are entitled to half of the assets and debts. Are you married under prenuptial agreement? Then in the past you have laid down in a contract how everything will be divided.

Fiscal partnership

Are you currently tax partners? Then this tax partnership will automatically end as soon as you meet the following conditions:

  • As soon as the lawyer has submitted the request for your divorce to the court. This also applies to a cohabitation contract.
  • As soon as you and your ex-partner are not registered at the same address.

Both partners can also choose to remain tax partners until the end of the year. This is a lot easier for your tax return. More information about this can be found on the website tax authorities find.

Frequently Asked Questions

How far can you move from your ex?

When children are involved, your ex-partner may want you not to move too far. There is no maximum for this and you have to work this out together. Does this not work? Then a judge will have to be involved.

Can my ex prevent me from moving?

If children are involved and you cannot reach an agreement, you can initiate legal proceedings. That will determine whether you move or not.

Do I need permission to move?

When both parties have parental authority, permission from the other parent is always required to move. Are you unable to reach an agreement together? Then the judge can be involved.

As a father, am I entitled to co-parenting?

Of course! Dutch law is very clear about this and as a father you are therefore entitled to co-parenting.

How long can the ex stay in the home?

Your ex-partner can request the judge to continue living in the home for a maximum of 3 years.